idiom for despair

Part 1

Into the depths I throw up

my hands

and I sink into the drive

the drive

the driving rain

and I am

I am the bright burning will

and I grasp I grasp this fire

until the break of any day and I drive

I will drive into the depths again

and again and again and I will fall

I will fall

and into the depths, I am no more

eventually

and I am alive now

and I am the silent screaming raging cry of the world

the silent cry that makes circles in the pond

like crying

while innocent people

innocent people

the circles spread out and merge

with the water

Part 2

brutalism was supposed to be

stripped down to the truth

of things

with hyperboles faked

and romance coffined

and dreams shuttered modestly

by gods rainbow of death

oh, corona of the star and the sun

impossible blazing light

holy abode of the one

she squints her night eyes at the sun

thou art the sun

she says in grief

stretched to the sun

blessed by this one

loved by this one

she cry's out to her children

I am living now with you

I am living now with you

I am living now with you

and this is close enough to heaven

for me